So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize