just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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