I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
