we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
