Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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