she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
