My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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