You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
