its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
