My nipple is on Facebook.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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