where am i from again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
