would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
