Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize