Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
