Porn is love you can see.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
