Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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