it was like his penis was on wheels.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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