WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
