not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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