Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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