I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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