You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
