It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
