Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
