you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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