Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
