look no pants
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
