Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
