I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
