I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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