I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
