she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
