He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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