Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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