My first STD was from a foam party
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
