Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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