Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
