she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
