I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
