it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
