Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
