Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
