Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
