He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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