My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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