Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm always down for nudity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize