So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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