I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize