the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
