Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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