I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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