so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
