why didn't you poke me back
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
