I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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