I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
