omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
