god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
