Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
