My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
