Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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