If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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