It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
