I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
