let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
