Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
