i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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