Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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