thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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