the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize