i permit you to call me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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