I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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