please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
