This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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