i love accidental penises.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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