She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
