Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All the doctor said was why
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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