I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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