i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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